Here is some advice to the young girl who wants to find a good man. There is a lot I could say to the men, but I'll save that for another posting. -Billy Long
Don't sell yourself cheap.
If you sell yourself cheap you will not be treated as valuable. Men subconsciously believe the old saying: “You get what you pay for.” If it costs nothing it must be worth little. The average fellow who has not committed himself to biblical morality will usually fall into the lifestyle governed by the crude maxim, “Why buy the cow when you can get the milk free.” So don’t sell yourself cheap. Be the priceless treasure you are. Make some guy pay the price for you to be his. A man who is rich in character and integrity will be lavish in his love and commitment to a woman of virtue.
But a man who “buys” what is sold cheap is himself impoverished of character. If you sell yourself cheap, you will attract only the stingy, self-centered, selfish, and immature “buyer.” There was a country music song entitled “I like my women a little on the trashy side.” It is interesting that he said “women” —and not “wife.” The song sends the subconscious message that the promiscuous man is looking for promiscuous women, but his tune changes when he decides he wants a good wife. He then switches to the old Charlie Rich hit, which describes the lady who reserves her sexuality for the sanctity of the marriage bed “behind closed doors” rather than flaunted in public.
Vulnerability attracts predators.
The lion chases the weakest antelope, or the young one straggling at the rear. Predators sense weakness, and human predators sense weakness of character in their prey. So it is important to develop strength of character. Grow in maturity and wisdom. Put away the childish teen attitude that looks for the “cool” guy. Everywhere I look I see young girls hanging out with boys or men who will probably make a good one-night stand or a short-term romance, but who in the long-run will leave the girl alone carrying the baggage and weight of the load he irresponsibly leaves behind. Don’t look for the fellow who is following the herd in all the latest looks and attitudes. Find a man who is pursuing a mature future, who will have a job, be able to provide, who can handle responsibility, and be faithful to one woman as long as he lives. Don't waste your time with the wrong kind of man. Build a relationship with a person who will be faithful to you and your children for life. “Mr. Cool” is fun for today, but he does not hang around for the long term. Even if he did hang around, you’d find yourself wanting to throw him out.
Like attracts like.
If you live “in the gutter” you will not attract a mate who “soars in the clouds.” People unconsciously gravitate to people who are at the same level as themselves. They identify with and develop relationships with people who are of the same character, spirituality, and lifestyle. If you want a godly husband, you need to be a godly woman (and vice versa).
Sex outside of covenant short-circuits relational intimacy.
If you really want to be intimate, then don’t be intimate with a man who has not committed himself to you in the marriage covenant. Real intimacy involves heart to heart communication, personal relationship, and friendship in which a couple really gets to know each other. When a woman’s first approach is to give sex to the man, his focus and interest will remain there. He will not be interested in spending the time and energy to know the real person, to be truly intimate at the soul level.
A girl is deceived when she thinks she will catch a good life-time husband by advertising sex and using it as a lure. The man will settle for the sex and seek it out, but fail to press into friendship and really getting to know her. Men are not generally good at communication anyway, and when they are treated to sex outside of marriage, they lose their incentive to communicate at a deeper level.
When he wants to have sex, she feels “used” rather than loved.
Don’t sell your birthright for a bowl of stew.
Esau sold his birthright for a “mess of pottage.” He was tired and wanted food. He exchanged what would have been a great treasure and long-term blessing for some temporary relief. He traded his birthright for the pleasure of that which tempted him for the moment. He later regretted it when it was too late. Think of your future spouse as your “birthright,” something worth waiting for, something wonderful that God will give you. The pleasures of promiscuity and an immoral lifestyle are like the pot of stew. It is pleasurable for the moment, but will leave you empty and alone tomorrow.
Find a man who loves the Lord and who has a job or at least a clear plan for his future.
Be the virtuous woman of Proverbs 31 and trust God to help you to meet the right person in God’s time.
if you think Jesus is asking too much of you now, just wait until the devil comes to collect later. The devil offers his pleasures up front and deceives you into thinking it is easy and free. He gives you a “pot of stew” now and helps you feel better for a moment, but then steals your birthright and leaves you destitute and suffering.
The Lord asks you to do the right thing now, knowing that His blessings and rewards follow the faith and obedience.
Trust the knowledge, wisdom, timing, and love of God. He is right, upright, and good.